Friday, October 15, 2010

Pull The Blinds and Change Their Minds, It's Been So Long

Remember when I was making fun of that Peter Gabriel song that's in every trailer for dramedy about that wacky thing called life? Yeah, right after I wrote that entry the Katherine Heigl movie came out with a re-cut trailer with that as the music. SOMEONE WHO READS MY BLOG EDITS MOVIE TRAILERS.

Who are you?! We can have so much fun together! Okay, let's see what's coming out... Paranormal Activity 2 cut to the Benny Hill theme? Saw 3D to ABBA'S, "Knowing Me, Knowing You?" Come on dude, get in touch, it'll be amazing.

Now the real topic at hand. David Bowie. Where the fuck is David Bowie? He keeps coming up on my music and since we know the universe communicates through my iTunes this must mean we should investigate the recent activities of one former David Jones. The fact that I have over 150 Bowie songs on my computer has nothing to do with him popping up constantly while on random, of course. Yes, The Labyrinth soundtrack is in that list. I love the man and yet, I realize he's not even on my header. My header I designed in MS Paint because I am a twelve year old girl way too into making collages. I should make a new one, spruce up the site, make it look more professional. But eh, it takes work and I am not that skilled.

Let's see what our Starman has been up to...

According to, there was a Bowie night on Thursday in Paris, France. Old footage and interviews were shown, some bands played...

There was something similar in Australia on the 13th, with a few performers doing his songs...

Okay this all very good and well for our geeky international Bowie fans, but what is HE up to? God, BowieNet, you've always been so useless. I remember now why I hated your very existence. Pretentious site thinking you're better than me just because you're the, "official," Bowie site. Keeping me from David Bowie news just because I won't get a username and password and I won't! I will not bow down to you. I'll show you- oh here we go. He provided the voice for a character on Sponegbob Squarepants.



Dear David Bowie,

I love you. I have a fair number of friends, probably foes, and internet acquaintances who also love you. I love you more. But not in the creepy, "I'm gonna shoot you while I carry this copy of, "Catcher in the Rye,"," way, because that book sucked and if I were to be caught dead with any book on my person it would be, "The Dirt," by Motley Crue. This does not mean I love them more. You just haven't written a book yet. A lot of other people have though, about you. Your ex-wife has. My copy of it came signed actually. She gave me her best regards. Not that I like her. No, no I'm on your side baby. Though, she did have everything except cold fire.

But we're getting off subject. Remember when you had that new album a few years ago? It's now old. And sorry to say, you're getting there too. Of course, you're still a handsome devil to me, and probably to Iman too but hey, she's a model and she has standards so don't be surprised if she drops you like a hot plate. I'll be here. But really now, that was a good album. I really, really loved it. "She'll Drive the Big Car," was my favorite. It was so good. Just a little bit faster now, just a little bit louder now. Does that sound sexual to you? Naughty boy, are you hitting on me! Just a little bit angry now. No, no I kid. You'll drive the big car, I'll sit behind.

What I'm trying to say here David, may I call you David? You can call me Leyla. Or darling. Anyway David, you need to get back to the studio. I know you have one. My cousin said it was by her gym when she used to live in New York. See, I'm not a crazy fan, David. I never stalked you there. I'm just a dedicated, loving, perfectly stable-minded fan and I just want new music or news or perhaps even a tour. I saw you once live. You gave me goosebumps and chills and tears in my eyes and it was fantastic. Let us do that again. Let us be afraid of Americans together. Let us put on our red shoes and dance and only Blue Jean can save us. Let us feel erect, I mean a wreck, without your little China Girl. Let me breathe in the carbon dioxide you expel in a giant arena and smack anyone that calls, "Space Oddity," Major Tom. Come on David, Spongebob is not going to pay the bills. But a tour might. Especially if you have over-priced tickets. Which I will still buy and I will buy the best my good man, I assure you.

In return, I will make my header all you, all the time. This is a promise. You're already in my cat's blog's header. And you have a cat too. Cat People David, you know what I'm saying? See these eyes so green(ish brown)? I can stare for a thousand years.

So please David, it's been almost five years. Five years, stuck on my eyes! Five years what a surprise! No seriously, it's actually been like seven years since that last tour and album. It's time.

Oh and let me know when that episode of Spongebob Squarepants is on. I've never watched that moronic show but will for your dulcet tones.


P.S.: Please tell me Spongebob was for your daughter? Please? Because if so I recommend you go on Wizards of Waverly Place on the Disney Channel. Not that I watch it. Nope. Never.

Watch this, it will make your day that much better.


  1. You might also notice that the thing about Spongebob Squarepants is from 2006. That's the last time he updated his BowieNet journal.

    He's dead.

  2. GODDAMNIT. I knew that sounded kitschily familiar but it flowed too well with this entry for me to really question it.

    We shall contact him on Halloween with a seance.


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