Brain Goes See-Saw

Turning a complete 180, I had a really nice second half of the week with my parents and boyfriend. My parents got here Wednesday and Elliot surprised me on Thursday (I walked into the apartment with my mom and noticed the TV was on and ventured into the living room to see someone sitting on my couch. I had a small heart attack as my brain tried to process this and try to figure out if I needed to find and snatch up my cat and protect her and my mom. But then it clicked and I realized it was Elliot) and we all got to spend some nice, relaxing time in the new apartment. My dad got to enjoy his tasty beers with Sopranos on the big-screen, my mom got do some winter shopping at Elie Tahari her "trademark," store, and Elliot and I partook in delicious food with them and fun times with our friends.

Friday night we took my parents to the North End because they never venture to our little Italian neighborhood. We ate at Assagio which is Elliot and my preferred restaurant there with coffee and dessert at Cafe Vittoria. Everyone flocks to Mike's Pastry because it's the famous dessert place there but I think it's overrated and not that good. Besides, I really don't like cannolis. Cafe Vittoria has a nice, old-timey feel to it with it's decor and furniture plus really good coffee. I had chocolate almond gelato with my capuccino (after angel-hair pasta with chicken and mushroom in Alfredo sauce with some really excellent wine because my dad can choose it well) and was pretty ready to just fall over from excess food. But we went off to our friend's house as is our Friday custom and had some silly TV watching time there. Afterwards, Elliot and most of the group headed out to a bar while I kept my friend who was sick, company. We watched a movie called Zombie Strippers. It was possibly the most hilariously terrible movie I've ever seen. I mean, the premise is pretty self-explanatory (it's about a strip club that has zombie strippers) but all these philosophical conudnrums and theories were thrown in there which made it so weird! The town was called Sartre, Nebraska, there was a Major Camus character and Jenna Jameson, yes the famous porn star (who, by the way, has the scariest fake boobs. They're so large and hang so low that they made my own modest chest ache), was reading Nietzsche at one point. It also had the unforgettable line, "Vaya con Ronnie James Dios," combining racism and metal in the most cringe-worthy way.

Elliot left today and my parents went back to New York for my sister on Saturday but tomorrow, I'm also going to New York for a couple days. My mom's still there (my dad had to go back home to Turkey) and my aunt and cousin who also goes to NYU will be there. I'll be back on Thursday in time to greet Elliot as he arrives Friday- yay! The shortest time we've been apart; four days! He's coming specifically for my birthday as he refused to be absent for it again and though he leaves on the day, Monday, I'll get him for most of the day and I'm sure I'll get some nice beer and movie times with my friends which is all I really want.

I'm starting my dance classes next week as well as a rigorous writing schedule, not to mention a few more interviews and pieces for MetalSucks. I'm going to keep stubbornly sending my resume out too. As we discussed on Friday night, "America is the only place where you can mold yourself and what your dreams are into something that pays off." I'm lucky to be in the position I am and I will start writing that damn book and my damn scripts and finish them and submit them to Gersh. Even if it is to get my boyfriend and parents and sister to shut up and stop bullying me about writing for now.

I've started takine some pictures of the new apartment so I'll post them as they come in. Here are some experimental shots as well as a bonus shot of my ohm tattoo just because I really like how my nail polish (Atomic Orange from OPI) mnatches my watch and contrasts with the purple. Some are blurry as I have shaky hands and don't really know how to use my camera still. Oh well, I have no deluded visions of myself as a photographer and I never have.



Oh, Egglet just walked into the room meowing with her ball in her mouth. Now she's looking at me expectantly. My cat is wonderful and requires my hugs. I love her so much. Elliot says I'm obsessed. I think it's just because she has the exact cat personality that would mesh the best with my owner personality; she needs love and hugs and attention all the time and I'm willing to give it. We make a good team.

Ganeshji at the entrance to my home.


My corridor with my collection of weird pictures and Turkish/Iranian/Egyptian-inspired art. The pictures are mostly from the vintage photo and picture shop I visit in Istanbul. I have plans to add more as I find them.



My bedroom with my glorious bed. The long blue fabric draped across is an Indian sari my mom and I found in a store in istanbul. The store no longer exists but it used to carry a lot of Indian-made items. The shimmery polka dot fabrics at the head and foot were found in the Covered Bazaar and were originally cut to hang as curtains/doors to my tiny closet in my first apartment in Boston. It was so small it didn't have a door, unlike my two other roommates' closets. I just folded them and hung them up on the bed as I still really like the fabric but don't have any use for it.


The steps lead up and out to a deck. I have a desk and chair in the corner as well as a dresser with my small TV directly across from the bed. It's so nice to have TV in my room again. I feel it makes it cozier though some might disagree. Egglet's basket is in the room too so she usually sleeps with me at night and naps while I hang out in the room during the day.


Yes, I now have a jewelry bookcase. Most of it is kitschy stuff I found in cheap little stores and on Istiklal street. There are some nicer things scattered about or stored carefully but the "real," real stuff that I would worry about is back home in Istanbul.



My closet.


Don't you love my hand-made AC/DC skirt above my AC/DC shoes?


It's so organized!


My first kitties, I even took them to college with me :)


The Madonna pop-art corner. I can't cut in a straight line to save my life so I used zig-zag shears and neon borders. They're still crooked and it annoys the OCD part of me but it looks good enough and I'm not in here that much anyway! Heh I have a Madonna corner as well as a Hello Kitty toaster... alongside Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Misfits, and Megadeth framed prints.


My living room.


The back of my old couch. This is too short to be a sari but was also purchased in the same place as the blue sari above my bed.

We Could Be The Same

I couldn't sleep the other night so I watched a Golden Girls marathon on TV. All the ladies in my family basically love this show because of the characters and the fact that it's just a fun show about four very different, older women. Rose reminds is all of my grandmother because they both have the same sweet, kind of naive air. Anyway, the episodes I watched, for some reason, kept dealing with death and not being able to live life because the fear of death hovered too close for comfort.

Oi.

Dorothy said something about missing her mother already even though she was lying right there (Sophia was having gall bladder problems but they didn't know what was wrong with her and the paramedics couldn't get there so they were all sitting with her hoping she wasn't dying. Oi, again). It got me thinking about how truly short life is. Ten years might seem like a lot but in ten years I'll be 35, my sister will be 28, my mom will be 61, my grandmother will be in her 80s. It's not that far away and of course these thoughts made my throat close up and I sat there half laughing half crying because Golden Girls made me have a panic attack,

Living in Boston and in Istanbul is a curse and a blessing. I'm too far away from my family, the most important people in my life, and I'm so afraid of missing things I can't enjoy my time here, where work and friends are better options. Of course then I try to get to everything and end up missing the most important events. I missed my grandfather's documentary's premiere night which was really unfair. I'm not sure how unfair it really was but in my head it stands to reason and a corner of my mind will not let that go. I recently missed my cousin's birthday. Everyone surprised her with a special dinner and though I had to be here for the KISS show and seeing my Elliot and getting my apartment packed up, it still smarts a little.

Fearing death is just the bigger picture of all these little worries and regrets. I recently started re-reading Lamb. Christopher Moore is one of my favorite authors because he writes in such a funny, sarcastic, and weird tone. He creates bizarre characters as well as ones that are easy to identify with and always has an element of the supernatural, even spiritual, in his books. I hope to write a book much like his one day. Lamb is about the life of Jesus but through the eyes of his best friend Biff. Biff is never mentioned in the Bible so God brings him back to write a new Gospel, to fill in the blank years up until Jesus turned 30. In the story, they travel to Afghanistan and India and seek out the three wise men who teach both different spiritual beliefs in order to prepare Jesus (know as Joshua, Josh in the story) to become the Messiah and Biff to stand by him and help. It's so very fictional and yet, I'd like to believe it's real. One of the wise men tells Josh that all fear comes from the unknown, if you knew what was coming you wouldn't be afraid and that's true. So the biggest unknown is death and thus, my biggest fear. The book isn't preachy or overtly Christian or any other religion in the slightest. It's underlying message is basically, love everyone and it really humanizes a figure most have to remember that, in the end, was just another lost person who didn't know what was expected of him.

It's kind of a comfort to read it again, now and then.

I just wrote a piece about metal music and the metal scene in Turkey. We don't have much but we have the enthusiasm but I'm sure it'll be ripped to shreds once it comes out. Oh the internet. I wish the movers would get here. I've been waiting for the past 2 hours. I just want everything moved, set up, and settled with my pictures hanging up so I can breathe and maybe even sleep again.

I got two new owl rings. They wink at me from my fingers.

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go (BISMILLAH NO WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO)

I have been packing and taking things up and down for the past 48 hours straight. Today, a cleaning service is cleaning (no kidding?) the new place and in the afternoon the second floor is getting buffed. Then tomorrow I'm packing the last minute stuff like kitchen and bathroom stuff and Wednesday the movers are taking all the heavy stuff down. Today I just have the books and DVDs and other odds and ends like the record player and printer to pack up. I've actually budgeted myself well in terms of buying new stuff and hiring people to help me out since my friends all work during the day and Elliot and my family aren't here to share the work. The new place is quite a bit bigger than my current apartment so I had to get another coffee table and couch, bed and bedside tables for the "guest" room (aka Mina and my parents' and probably Defne my cousin's room), dining room furniture, and various stuff for the three, yes you heard me, three bathrooms. I still need to get the bathroom stuff, and kitchen things because our plates and pots and pans are all wretchedly old and crappy but I'll take care of that after all the moving is done.

So everything gets moved on Wednesday, new furniture arrives Thursday and Friday, and cable and internet get connected on Thursday as well. I hope to have most everything done by Friday. Saturday I'll be taking a break to finally go to a book club meeting (I've been a member for so long and have been to maybe 2 meetings) and see some friends and hopefully next week I'll be getting pictures framed and up on the walls. That's always the most important thing for me, bare walls make me anxious. When all my artwork and posters are up, I immediately feel like I live there. All the furniture I got is pretty classic, it's the rugs and artwork that add all the color and make it more, "me." I hope I can make this new place as homey as my apartment. This apartment has been my favorite home in Boston. It always made me happy to come back to it and I'm kind of nervous that the new place is so big it won't have the same charm. I was going to leave all the decorating stuff until the end but I picked up a few pieces as I ran across them.

My current rug I love. I got another one because the new living room is huge.


This is for the second floor. It's not a floor so much as a loft space with a couple storage rooms and a bathroom. It would make a good "office" and rugs make empty spaces work.


Bedding for the guest bedroom. I always secretly loved this pattern but didn't really want it for myself so an extra bedroom provided the excuse.


This is for my room since my old duvet cover is really old and needs to be replaced. It's constellations and the reverse side is grey with white stars. I'm a nerd yes.


Nothing makes me calmer than lots of light. New Buddha lamp for my bedroom since I never had a bedside lamp in the old place.


Generally, I don't like bean bag chairs. But the splashes of color made this one kind of stand out. Plus, more sitting places are always welcome since we like to gather all our friends when we hang out with them.



I've also applied for three more jobs and am waiting to hear from them. Of course, in our non-responsive age I haven't received anything back but I'm giving it until Wednesday before I do any follow-up emails. One of the jobs was a part-time Marketing Assistant for a "spiritual" books publishing house and though it's a different job than I've applied to in the past, it sounds like it could be fun and a good experience so I'm really hoping to hear from them, as well as a pretty big name publishing house my friend tipped me off that had an opening for an editorial assistant. Augh, I'm intelligent, capable, and can do everything these jobs require (be organized? I make lists of my lists for crying out loud) but I just need them to crack open the door so I can wedge myself in.

Tomorrow, the new Iron Maiden record comes out but I got to listen to it a week ago and review it. It's Iron Maiden Sucks! day on MetalSucks tomorrow so all Maiden articles and reviews, all day. I contributed another piece about possible artwork Iron Maiden should use (the current one is their mascot, Eddie, in space. The artist is a different one than usual so it looks a little odd and there's been quite a lot of controversy over it. My ideas? Well, Sultan Eddie and Maharaja Eddie are among the many.