I Can't Stop the Cyclone, That's About to Explode

I don't really do resolutions on New Year's Eve because, well, I have enough things to live up to in my head year-round that I don't need to indulge in that particular cliche. Instead I'll join the "summing up my year" bandwagon.Enjoy a brief verbal and pictorial overview of my year. 2010, you were pretty interesting. Thank you to all of you who keep reading and commenting, it means the world to me.

* Started the year out in Istanbul
* Witnessed plans for the opening of the Music House
* Met Mercan Dede and Carlito Dalceggio
* Went to L.A.
* Did not like it (*cough* understatement *cough**cough*)
* Went back to Boston
* Got my 7th tattoo (or 5th depending on how you count them)
* Started the Like A Muse project/blog
* Had a blonde(ish) moment. Still growing out the streaks.
* Got internship with Gersh Agency based in L.A.
* Got upgraded to a paid reader at Gersh although amount of work they sent me drastically dropped
* Sent the boyfriend off to Iraq for the last couple times
* Went to Jodhpur, India with the family in time for Holi
* Returned to Boston to my favorite apartment I've ever lived in, with my cat
* Came back to Istanbul for the summer and my sister's high school graduation
* Saw Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood with my cousins and sister
* Went to Brussels, Belgium to see Mercan Dede and Elif Safak
* Went to Salzburg, Austria to watch our orchestra perform and my uncle receive a medal for contributions to the arts
* Traveled back to southern Turkey for sea times
* Started writing for MetalSucks and interviewed Roxana Shirazi, Wolf Hoffman from Accept, and Bobby Liebling of Pentagram
* Attended a Tarkan concert
* Back to Boston to see KISS with Elliot
* Elliot left for Austin, TX for two months while I got ready to move to a new apartment
* Kept making headway with the Muse Project, started writing a book
* Visited best friends in Chicago
* Treated boyfriend to Devin Townsend for his birthday
* Saw Dimmu Borgir and Enslaved
* Spent Thanksgiving in Virginia
* Traveled to Hong Kong with my boyfriend
* Came back home to Istanbul to finish off the year with my loved ones

We Could Be The Same

I couldn't sleep the other night so I watched a Golden Girls marathon on TV. All the ladies in my family basically love this show because of the characters and the fact that it's just a fun show about four very different, older women. Rose reminds is all of my grandmother because they both have the same sweet, kind of naive air. Anyway, the episodes I watched, for some reason, kept dealing with death and not being able to live life because the fear of death hovered too close for comfort.

Oi.

Dorothy said something about missing her mother already even though she was lying right there (Sophia was having gall bladder problems but they didn't know what was wrong with her and the paramedics couldn't get there so they were all sitting with her hoping she wasn't dying. Oi, again). It got me thinking about how truly short life is. Ten years might seem like a lot but in ten years I'll be 35, my sister will be 28, my mom will be 61, my grandmother will be in her 80s. It's not that far away and of course these thoughts made my throat close up and I sat there half laughing half crying because Golden Girls made me have a panic attack,

Living in Boston and in Istanbul is a curse and a blessing. I'm too far away from my family, the most important people in my life, and I'm so afraid of missing things I can't enjoy my time here, where work and friends are better options. Of course then I try to get to everything and end up missing the most important events. I missed my grandfather's documentary's premiere night which was really unfair. I'm not sure how unfair it really was but in my head it stands to reason and a corner of my mind will not let that go. I recently missed my cousin's birthday. Everyone surprised her with a special dinner and though I had to be here for the KISS show and seeing my Elliot and getting my apartment packed up, it still smarts a little.

Fearing death is just the bigger picture of all these little worries and regrets. I recently started re-reading Lamb. Christopher Moore is one of my favorite authors because he writes in such a funny, sarcastic, and weird tone. He creates bizarre characters as well as ones that are easy to identify with and always has an element of the supernatural, even spiritual, in his books. I hope to write a book much like his one day. Lamb is about the life of Jesus but through the eyes of his best friend Biff. Biff is never mentioned in the Bible so God brings him back to write a new Gospel, to fill in the blank years up until Jesus turned 30. In the story, they travel to Afghanistan and India and seek out the three wise men who teach both different spiritual beliefs in order to prepare Jesus (know as Joshua, Josh in the story) to become the Messiah and Biff to stand by him and help. It's so very fictional and yet, I'd like to believe it's real. One of the wise men tells Josh that all fear comes from the unknown, if you knew what was coming you wouldn't be afraid and that's true. So the biggest unknown is death and thus, my biggest fear. The book isn't preachy or overtly Christian or any other religion in the slightest. It's underlying message is basically, love everyone and it really humanizes a figure most have to remember that, in the end, was just another lost person who didn't know what was expected of him.

It's kind of a comfort to read it again, now and then.

I just wrote a piece about metal music and the metal scene in Turkey. We don't have much but we have the enthusiasm but I'm sure it'll be ripped to shreds once it comes out. Oh the internet. I wish the movers would get here. I've been waiting for the past 2 hours. I just want everything moved, set up, and settled with my pictures hanging up so I can breathe and maybe even sleep again.

I got two new owl rings. They wink at me from my fingers.

100(,000)

Hooray this is my 100th post! 100 different times I've sat down and wrote about 100 (or more) different thoughts and events. The title comes from a KISS song so what better to celebrate a milestone on my music-inspired (Madonna? Hello? Keep up.) blog than writing about music?

I wanted to to have a separate entry about the KISS show because it was such a fun and wonderful time. My Elliot came up from Austin to accompany me to it and more than just fulfilling his boyfriendly duties, it was a an extremely fun time with my best friend. When the show started with the flames and explosions he pulled me into a hug and said he secretly had always wanted to see KISS. Which is when I exclaimed that I had to. We both like some KISS songs here and there and though Detroit Rock City is my favorite moie, it's more because of all the other music in it and the theme of the plot that I love it, not becaue it involves KISS. But seeing them live is definitely a bucket list thing to do. The pure show of it all was breath-taking. It's obvious how well rehearsed they are but they make it look so spontaneous and fun. Sure Paul Stanley's strutting and cat-calling is nothing new, and everyone expects Gene to spit blood and spit fire but when they did do all those things, the crowd, including us, went crazy. They know what they have to do and they don't spare any energy or enthusiasm in delivering it.

And the flying! There was so much flying. Gene flew up above the stage into the rafters by the lights to perform a song while glaring, Paul flew out into the audience to sing a song from among us, and the Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer, though not as big stars, had plenty of gravity-defying movements happening underneath them. The second guitarist and drummer were raised up and down on-stage so they could have their moments too and the backdrop and screens flashed the entire time with occasional glimpses of past KISS shows. I seriously jumped every time there was an explosion. Okay, not every time but several times.

During the encores Paul Stanley, the singer, paused to commend all the families there. There truly were so many parents with their kids and the kids were legitimately happy to be there. One girl behind me corrected her dad on a KISS song and a little boy in front of my stood on his chair, clapped, screamed, sang, and raised the devil horns all throughout the show. When the young KISS Army was applauded on-stage, the boy's dad lifted him up so everyone could cheer. That kid will probably never, ever forget that night. He's a KISS fan for life. Haha, what little boy wouldn't be? All those explosions and BOOMS and fire and other pyrotechnics.

There was a small presentation during the encores as well. One dollar from every ticket sold was donated to a fund that helped men and women coming home from duty to get back on their feet. Of course, when there's a group of Americans and the slightest mention of country the chanting of, "USA, USA, USA," will undoubtedly ensue (rolls eyes). But, I have to say this wasn't just another instance of blowing steam up the military's ass. They made a good point about the people who came back broken physically and spiritually and how they were greeted by a government that didn't know how to treat them. That's a cause I can support. I'm glad I could help, in a tiny way, this fund and they raised over $90,000 that night.

I don't think I would've had as much fun at this show with anyone else. Well, my little sister and cousins are a blast to to go to concerts with too but they weren't here. My boyfriend is a music dork just like me and we get goosebumps and awed just being in the same area as one of our bands. I went to Judas Priest, Van Halen, and AC/DC with him as well as Iron Maiden and Alice Cooper and we'll probably always go to shows and in the immortal words of KISS, "rock 'n' roll all niiii-iiight," together. Even when we're 85 and deaf and can barely move, we'll be out there croaking out the words. Pending all our bands are alive.

Blackberry camera is so terrible compared to my Turkish Nokia.








EDIT: Happy birthday to my beautiful kuzen Beril!

Generation Swine

Going to so many doctors means filling out so many information forms. I have no idea what to put in the occupation section. I don't really have one. I have a pitifully small paying job that apparently has forgotten I exist and I can't very well put them down (and I don't know how I'd translate it to Turkish) and it's been a year now since I've finished grad school so I can't say student and have the easy way out. So I put "writer" and grimace every. Single. Time. I can't even write writer without cringing and half-expecting alarm bells to go off along with a booming voice chanting, "Liar, liar, fake, fake, liar, fake, fa-" you get the idea. So in order to feel less like a fraud, I invite you over to MetalSucks where my third piece is out (I guess technically fourth because although the editor wrote about Phil Collen from Def Leppard's new marriage, I tipped him off!) and it's The Ten Best Hair Metal Band Names.

I'm kind of proud of how quickly I got over having any sort of reaction to comments. I usually take things to heart, hard. So, praise makes me feel almost stupidly happy and stays with me forever (like one nice commenter saying a certain description had him falling out of his chair laughing) and criticism kind of punches me in the throat and haunts me even longer (a certain professors comments on a short story I wrote my junior year come to mind). Now, it's more like a feeling of disappointment that people can be that stupid. My boyfriend forwarded me this cartoon and it couldn't be illustrated any better.

Though, I have a winner for favorite comment. It's hair metal week at MetalSucks and of course, there are the people who get all self-righteously angry and call it an abomination and blame it for sullying the good name of metal. No darlings, it's you who give metal, and metal fans a bad name. Not Bon Jovi ("shot through the heart and you're to blame..."). There's an ongoing countdown of bands that commonly get miscategorized as hair metal and Quiet Riot were on that list. I included them on my best hair band names but my introduction clearly stated that I borrowed bands that probably weren't strictly glam bands because for God's sake, have you ever heard their names? They are not good my friends, not good at all (this list highlights that). So of course the first comment was, "They're miscategorized as hair metal but have the best hair metal name?'

Argh.

But hold up. Sweet vindication came in the form of a comment back. It was something along the lines of, "Dude, it's two different writers. There isnt just one person called MetalSucks." Yeeees. There you have it. Different people, diffferent opinions. This is why we are not all clones of one another; we have separate brains and views. How hard is that to get really? My favorites are the ones that insult the site and say they can't believe they still read it. My good sir, it's a free site that has original, entertaining, and often informative content. It doesn't cater mainly to you and no one is forcing you to read it but of course you'll continue and it'll be for those very same reasons, as well as the fact you think someone will read your comments. Well, I did so I guess you win but let's not go there. People are so dim sometimes. Alice Cooper might not be glam but Trash is the very definition of a glam album so it makes sense it should be on the "Ten Best Must Have Glam Metal Albums." A musician or band doesn't have to be of a certain genre to put out an album within it. There's no point in trying to explain these things or comment back so I think it's a healthier alternative to take out my frustration on here. It's like when you meet a dangerous animal in the wild; DO NOT ENGAGE.

But I don't care what you think heavy metal elitists, hair metal rules! Long live glam!
This was a t-shirt on Threadless but I can't remember to whom credit belongs. I have the Turkish rip-off of it.

Did I mention, I'm seeing KISS in August? Oh yeah.

I come alive in the neon light.

I've been gone for a bit but my boyfriend was visiting and he stole the adaptor to my computer's charger for his laptop and I'm not comfortable writing when I'm not on my own device so I gave myself the week off. But, here I am, with my adaptor and charger and computer all set and ready to go. Though, now the boy is gone and that makes me sad. We've spent most of the last two years (and probably a good percentage of past years) not being in the same place but hopefully that will change by the end of September. I go back to Boston in August and he'll be in Austin, Texas for a while but his company will pay for him to come visit a few weekends until his work there is done so it won't be as bad as when he was in Iraq and I was in the States and we could barely talk to each other between the time difference and the shoddy internet/skype/phones.

While he was here, we mostly just hung out at home and had good home cooking (well, he did. I'm on my diet still and though it's not bad food, it's still trying on the nerves. Let's just say I've ingested more salad and greens in the last two weeks than most cows do) and watched movies and TV shows. It was just nice to relax in each other's company and it was usually too hot to do anything else during the day; Istanbul has been a sweltering 32 degrees Celsius (90 F.) and higher all week and it's not getting any cooler. Which means a lot of ice cream and even I was allowed two scoops of diet. Maras is my favorite ice cream, it's thicker and chewier than regular ice cream and is a Turkish specialty and even the diet version tastes good.

We did manage to make it out a few times. We took the ferry from my side, the European side of Istanbul, to the Asian and had a nice afternoon of wandering about trying to find the metal shop where he bought me a Motley Crue shirt four years ago. That shirt was one of my favorites and I have no idea what happened to it but as luck would have it, we found a similar one left in stock at the place. Akmer Pasaj (pasajs are "covered shopping arcades" as the Turkish-English/English-Turkish translations website zargan.com informs me. I couldn't really find a way to explain them but they're just passageways off main roads that have stores and shops all lined up across from each other and often are two or three floors) is known as the heavy metal pasaj of the Asian side but it kind of threw us when we found it and the entire first floor were bookstores. Everything from school books and textbooks to modern fiction to really, really old paperbacks and foreign books. The basement floor, once we found the stairs, had a bunch of music t-shirt and record shops and we got Elliot a Municipal Waste shirt as well as my Motley Crue shirt. The design and colors are the same except this is cut for a boy and my old shirt was a girl's shirt. Ugh, it looked so good on me too. Oh well, this will just be added to the pile of shirts I have to hem.

I also found a cool little necklace. It was a cut piece of fluoride and I liked the purples and greens and was all set to get it when the vendor dropped and cracked the end off. I was a little disappointed but I got it anyway and he dropped the price down 20 lira. It's not thaaaat noticeable, and the relative pointiness hasn't been disturbed much since it's hurts like a bitch if I try to hug anyone while wearing it.

We also took several trips to Istiklal Caddesi, kind of our version of Newbury St./Harvard Square. These aren't my pictures but you get the idea.



It used to be so beautiful all lined with cobblestones and trees but they ripped out the stones a couple years ago, and the trees, and replaced them with concrete. Now you just bake while you walk down, and occasionally almost get run over by the trolley that goes up and down the street, but thankfully there are hundreds of places to eat and shop and duck into. My mom's office, and the Music House and Borusan Arts and Culture buildings are there too as well as three, yes three, Starbucks. Which, my boyfriend and I use as bathroom stops because, well, they're just cleaner than the places we frequent.

We met up with a friend of a friend who has been in Istanbul for a while, and will be until August attending language programs, and it was nice to get to know a new face and take her out to dessert and hookah. The hookah itself, sour cherry flavor, was not very good. I'll be sticking to my traditional mint in the summer. It's bad for you but doesn't feel as bad if that makes sense. Kind of light and refreshing as opposed to the cherry that was too sweet and burned my throat. And of course, we had to go a couple times to our metal bar, DoRock. Whose name I didn't get until my boyfriend explained it to me last year; durak means stop, like on a bus or train schedule. So it's a music stop. Yeah I know. It used to be this crappy little hole in the wall that had hair metal and death metal nights and my boyfriend and I just loved to be crammed in there with everyone else, enjoying a beer and blinking back tears because the air was just so smoky and musty. He used to go hang out there everyday when he attended school in Istanbul and all the bartenders used to know him. It kind of upsets him now because it's become sort of a "cool" place to hang out and they're now sponsored by Efes beer so the walls and tables and seats have all been re-done and they have wireless internet and security now. They had a tattoo shop on the second floor but I'm assuming it got shut down because beer and hepatitus isn't that fun a mix.

It doesn't have the same atmosphere it used to have but it got really bad for a while. I mean they had a Nazi bartender and most of the people in there weren't that nice and you just got an uncomfortable feeling being there but this last time was a definite imrpovement from last year. No Nazi tattoos to be seen, only the old familiar bartenders working, and since the smoking ban is in effect, you could breathe and actually see more than a foot in front of you. The atmosphere was almost back to the normal with the fun and friendly vibe it used to have. Metalheads think they're cool but really, we're the biggest geeks. When you get a crowd of us we're all just so overwhelmed by finally having people we have something in common with to hang out with, that we just turn into adoring puppies and basically want to be nice to everyone. Of course, there will be those with superiority complexes and attitudes but Elliot and I do a good job of avoiding them and secretly making fun of them. I was pretty happy that the welcoming feeling that's been absent the last couple years was good and back. Elliot blames girls coming for the reason the bar got all spiffy and up-it's-own-ass, so to speak, but hey, it's the boys that bring the girlftriends. I used to go when there'd be only two other girls besides me and yeah it was nice but I don't think it was that terrible this last time we went. Though we did have a moment of panic when we stopped by to have a drink on another afternoon and they were playing country music. I think we were suitably, and loudly, derisive enough to get them to switch to classic rock. But anyway, he says all the improvements are for the ladies and why it's made the bar change from the little, unique place we used to love. Hey, they need to make money. TVs, wireless internet, and girls are the way you keep metal boys coming and spending money. They're just trying to keep a bar running, it's not their fault what the customers do because the customers are what bring the other elements as well as the money.

On a different note, (haha no pun intended) cover band we'd heard in the past was playing again the night we went and it was hilarious. They did all the popular songs like, "The Trooper," and, "Electric Eye," and though they're not particularly ood, I'd say they're terrible but the singer's voice and the drummer are pretty decent, the enthusiasm and joy with which they play and psych up everyone is priceless. They were bellowing, wailing, and soloing all over the place and they got everyone to sing along and have a good time. It's moments like that; sitting at the bar with my Efes and my Elliot, singing along to, "Aces High," where the lead singer makes up a large portion of the lyrics, and just enjoying the company of friendly, like-minded people makes me so happy to be who I am and where I am. It helps that we always get checked out because we speak English to each other and Turkish to everyone else and we're familiar enough that they recognize us but don't really know our story. I like having that mystery there, it's silly but it's fun. This is probably my favorite thing to do with my Elliot; hang out and enjoy our music with nice drinks at DoRock and then go off and have a hookah with nice tea and snacks. It's even better in the winter. Checking in at the bar and listening to the songs that come up on their playlist, making bets about what the next video will be, and then warming up with salep (another Turkish drink) and nargile (as we call our hookah) at the tea house before heading home.

We did some touristy stuff that i include in my usual Istanbul time like going to the Covered Bazaar as well. We stopped by my usual stores in there and picked up various gifts for friends, a beautiful Iranian miniature to put in my new apartment, and I also got a pretty great pendant. The vendor, who loves me and my sister, told me it was a jaguar claw with semi-precious stone embeliishments but eh, I'm not sure I believe him, though I'd like to. Poor jaguar though. At least I gave it a good home. I also got a ring inscribed with Tibetan script. My mom got one for herself and my sister too and later at home figured out what it said. It says om mani padme hum and is a mantra particularly associated with the four-armed Shadakshari form of Avalokiteshvara. Mani means the jewel and Padma-the lotus. It is the six syllabled mantra of the bodhisattva of compassion, Avalokiteshvara.

The ring is silver with the script in gold and the pendant has 29 stones on it, including on the little attachment that hangs from the chain. I'll get better pictures once I get my hands on my camera and get going on Task 5. Heh, like Eddie on my shirt?


My jewelry collection is getting out of hand and I'm really looking forward to getting to organize it all when I get back to Boston and move into the new apartment which will thankfully, have space for all my junk.

Elliot's back off to Boston today but my sister just got back from a two week vacation in Mykonos, Greece so it's good to have her here and make her hang out with me so I won't get too bummed. We've got a busy couple of weeks coming up with a trip to Salzburg, going down to Bodrum in southern Turkey with the cousins, and less fun, a bunch of doctor's appointments. I haven't done much writing or reading recently but hopefully that'll pick up but for now, I listen to, "Living After Midnight," and wait for dinner like those stray cats that linger by the fish vendors on Istiklal. We're famous for our stray cats you know. They're everywhere and probably the reason why I love cats so much.

A wanna-be Egglet?

Eeeveryone's a Critic

Hahahaha, oh man I just got a pretty smart bitch-slap from reality.

I used to write for a bunch of music sites, mostly metal, and then I stopped. Lately, I kind of missed it so I sent an email off to a site that I thought would best fit me. I've talked about Metal Sludge and how much I used to love it, and Metal Sucks (www.metalsucks.net) is pretty much in the same vein. Brash, outspoken commentary and opinions on everything. They liked my stuff and assigned me my first review today and I was pleasantly surprised. Most of the stuff I get to review blows. I actually liked this album and said as much. Well, this site enables people to comment and maaaan did I cause an uproar. Okay, slight exaggeration but there was some attitude. I think all the comments so far were damning me, and the site via me, for having such awful taste and touting it as quality. Probably didn't help that there's a banner advertising said band over the review.

I was kind of caught off-guard and was all set to be upset but then, come on it's a review! It's one person's opinion on a subject. It's not the word of all truth and goodness and of course there will be people who disagree. The ones who do will be the ones speaking up and making a fuss because haha, that's what I would do and have! Also, judging by the overall theme of the comments, I don't think they really got my tone. Oh well, boys are dense.

At least I know people are reading, I was never too sure of that any place else. And if I may indulge myself, I'm the one who gets to write and be published, not you, puny metal fans!

Bahahaha.

Here's the link, have at me. Oh and all the writers' names are silly puns and play-ons of rock stars and I chose Leyla Ford. Both keeping my name and giving a nod to Ms. Lita Ford from The Runaways (and later solo stuff that was kind of meh).

Shake a Leg

I can only resist for so long. I didn't buy the AC/DC special edition Converse sneakers for a reason. I already had two pairs of Iron Maiden Vans (Piece of Mind and Powerslave and I still secretly want a Trooper pair but so far, no luck), any more music-related footwear and we're stepping into complete loser and kind-of-a-poseur territory. Really, can you be more of a sell-out? Branding is so not metal.

So I said no to the Back in Black high-tops (plus, I don't wear high-tops) as well as the amazing red Lock Up Your Daughters print with Angus's insane mug stamped on them. I mean, okay, I got the normal, black sneakers but that's because I live in sneakers. No matter how much I love and follow all the lady fashion-with-a-metal-edge bloggers that prance around on platforms daily, I'm more of a sea-level kind of dresser. And I needed new sneakers and since the only "sneakers" I wear are Chucks, I got them. You can barely see the Back in Black print on them anyway, so it didn't really count. And I'm a fan! We support our bands.

But then I saw these.

They are leather. They are AC/DC. THEY ARE LEATHER.

Summer and commercialism be damned, I got me some leather high-tops.


...Crap I just found a Lock Up Your Daughters pair on sale in my size.

The Final Countdown

In the previous post I said there were literally a hundred songs or bands I could think of and I wanted to see if there, literally, were. Since I did it by bands or songs in particular in the other post, I'll do the same for the list. I'm allowed repeats of bands but I'll give myself a limit of two. I'm not sleepy but I'm not awake enough to write the explanations so if you're dying to know you can ask. I'll specify if I mean song or video. In no particular order other than what popped up in my head and deserves a spot:

1) Iron Maiden- Blood Brothers, song
2) Bon Jovi- Something For the Pain, song
3) Jon Bon Jovi (solo) - Destination Anywhere
4) Motley Crue - Rock 'n' Roll Junkie, song
5) Alice Cooper - Give the Kid A Break, song
6) Alice Cooper - Poison, video
7) Faster Pussycat - Bathroom Wall, video
8) Faster Pussycat - Cathouse (remixed), song
9) Twisted Sister- We're Not Gonna Take It, video
10) Turisas - Battle Metal, song
11) Tyr - Hail to the Hammer, song
12) Duran Duran - Hungry Like the Wolf, video/song
13) The Darkness - Growing On Me, video/song
14) Van Halen - Why Can't This Be Love?, song
15) Van Halen - Hot For Teacher, video
16) Gun 'n' Roses - Don't Cry, video
17) Megadeth - Motorcycle, video
18) Def Leppard - Animal, song
19) Tarkan - Gül Döktüm Yollarına, song
20) Tarkan - Hüp, video/song
21) Misfits - Hybrid Moments
22) Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention - Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance, song
23) In Flames - Man-Made God, song
24) Dark Tranquility - Ex Nihilo, song
25) 69 Eyes - Perfect Skin, video/song
26) Hellacopters - Take Me On, song
27) Wig Wam - Do Ya Wanna Taste It?, song
28) Yalın - Küçücüğüm, song
29) Redd - Falan, Filan, song
30) Kargo - Yıldızların Altında, song/video
31) Teoman - Paramparça, sng
32) Turbonegro - All My Friends Are Dead, song
33) Ramones - My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down, song
34) Motörhead - Ace of Spades, live on The Young Ones*
35) Judas Priest - Living After Midnight, song
36) Michael Jackson - Dirty Diana, video/song
37) Madonna - Like a Prayer (I can't believe it took me until 37 to think of it), video/song
38) Madonna - Ray of Light, song
39) Nightwish - Nemo, video
40) The Bangles - Walk Like An Egyptian, song
41) Suede - Film Star, song
42) Supergrass - Time, song
43) T. Rex - Mambo Sun, song
44) David Bowie - Blue Jean, video/song
45) David Bowie - Rock 'n' Roll Suicide, song
46) Meat Loaf - I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That), video
47) Sweet - Fox on the Run, song
48) Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah), song
49) Luxury - These Days, song
50) Crash Kelly - She Gets Away, song
51) Scorpions - Every Minute Every Day, song
52) KISS - Shout It Out Loud, song
53) L.A. Guns - Beautiful, song
54) Ratt - Heads I Win, Tails You Lose, song
55) Ratt - Round and Round, video
56) Lordi - Blood Red Sandman, video/song
57) Wicked Sensation - Rain On Me, song
58) Mustafa Sandal - Beni Ağlatma, song
59) Duman - Bu Akşam, song
60) Haddaway - What is Love, song
61) INXS - Disappear, video/song
62) The Poodles - Flesh and Blood, song
63) Prince - Peach, song
64) Prince - Raspberry Beret, song
65) Elvis Presley - (You're the) Devil In Disguise, song
66) Enuff Z'Nuff - So Sad to See You, song
67) Skid Row - 18 and Life, video
68) Queen - I Want to Break Free, video/song
69) Accept - Balls to the Walls, video/song
70) Rolling Stones - Anybody Seen My Baby, video
71) Siouxsie and the Banshees - Face to Face, song
72) Spice Girls - If You Wanna be My Lover, video
73) Slade - Gudbye T'Jane, song
74) Quiet Riot - Cum On Feel the Noise, song
75) Gogol Bordello - Wanderlust King, song
76) Various Artists - Chori, Chori Gori Se, song
78) The Wildhearts - Vanilla Radio, song
79) Backyard Babies - Electric Suzy, song
80) Hardcore Superstar - Shame, video
81) ABBA - Knowing Me, Knowing You, song
82) Annie Lennox - Little Bird, song
83) Kurban - Cennet, song
84) Dio - I Could've Been a Dreamer, song
85) Dio - Rock'n'Roll Children, video
86) Beatles - Help!, song (and movie)
87) Warrant - Uncle Tom's Cabin, song/video
88) Freddie Mercury - Living On My Own, song
89) Billy Idol - Cradle of Love, video/song
90) Motley Crue - Girls, Girls, Girls, video
91) Journey - Don't Stop Believing, song
92) Blondie - Call, video/song
93) Eluveite - Gray Sublime Archon, song
94) The Cult - Fire Woman, song/video
95) Bloodlights - One Eye Open, song
96) Sukhwinder Singh & Sapna Awasthi - Chaiyya Chaiyya, song
97) Iggy Pop - Lust For Life, video
98) Iggy Pop - The Passenger, song
99) Thin Lizzy - Waiting For An Alibi, song
100) The Muppet Show/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/Beetlejuice/Ducktales/Chipmunks/Jem and the Holograms - Theme Song*

I might not have pretentious, obscure bands that no one has heard of but there it is. I think I just summed up 24 years of Leyla in 100 songs and videos (repeating bands no more than twice).

* Does this count? Judge rules: it counts.

Watch That Video (Sleeze Beez, anyone? Anyone?)

Youtube is still a no-no here in Turkey even with all the computer-whiz stuff my sister's boyfriend attempted on my little laptop, but I remembered www.dailymotion.com (our answer to fighting the lack of online video watching) today! So, to combat boredom during my nightly battle to woo sleep, I looked up and enjoyed all my old favorite videos.

The classic that started it all, Iron Maiden's "Can I Play With Madness"


There was a time when I was obsessed with Aerosmith, I loved them. My email address that I still use is actually an old song of theirs (gypsy__boots@hotmail.com) but when I discovered Hanoi Rock and realized my favorite song of theirs also had the same title, I switched allegiance. I did a summer program at Boston University (waaay before I went there for grad school) where the program director was actually a good friend of Steven Tyler's, as well as a producer on Nine Lives. He showed us all this old footage and told stories about the band (instead of teaching us producing but really, how do you teach that?) and when he found out they were my favorite, he promised me some old junk of their that he got stuck with. He never followed through but for a while there, I was in heaven. I think Aerosmith is still the standard by which I judge music videos (Guns 'n' Roses and Meat Loaf round out the video kings trifecta). Theirs were honestly just mini-films and were so fun to watch, not to mention enjoy the music with. When I think of MTV, especially now that they don't play videos, I always think of the Alicia Silverstone trilogy; "Crazy," "Cryin'," and, "Amazing."

This is however my favorite song of theirs, "Walk on Water." This video is actually taken right off that program, Friday Rocks, on Vh1 that I've mentioned before. Oh those were the days. Staying up all night just to catch maybe one, two if you were lucky, videos you really wanted and it would still be so worth it.


Speaking of switching allegiance, I can't not mention Hanoi Rocks. They were the first bluesy metal/dirty sax rock'n'roll (yes I meant sax, as in saxophone) band I'd ever heard, even before Guns 'n' Roses. Okay, I grew up in '90s Europe, obviously I'd heard Guns'n'Roses before but I never actually listened to Appetite for Destruction all the way through until I was in college. Some people might say blasphemy. I say a big, resounding meh. As it stands, I'm still not a Guns girl and probably never will be. But the similarity between Slash and my messy, curly hair will always guarantee me a fail-safe, last-minute costume on any given Halloween. Anyway, I heard "Gypsy Boots," and my jaw literally dropped. I think it was the first time I got a crush on a song. They got back together not too long ago and recorded one of their best albums and then announced they were breaking up for good last year. I was mighty pissed. Their farewell tours were in Sweden/Finland and Japan. The Japan dates coincided with my spring break from school so, with my boyfriend, we headed off to Japan. Yep, and that's why I can say I followed a band to Japan. Sure, I wanted to see the country and so did my boyfriend. I'd never been and he's a Japan dork (not the crazy, makes-you-cringe-in-secondhand-embarrassment kind) so it worked out. You know what worked out even better? Meeting Michael Monroe randomly in the middle of the Harajuku district.

This was the second Hanoi Rocks song I ever listened to that basically sealed them as my new favorite band. And yes, Michael Monroe is just as terrifying and wonderful in real life as he is in the video.

Hanoi Rocks, "People Like Me."


This was the time when I really got into reading the metal site, Metal Sludge. I kept reading about all these bands that I didn't know (along with the ones I did), so I went on the hugest downloading and music hunting spree that summer. I don't support downloading music illegally and I always spend the money now or buy used but eh, silly little high school girl with no access to music in Istanbul meets Limewire? Come on now. Anyway, this is basically how I met all my '80s L.A. metal but just as a representative of all of them; from the badass end of the spectrum, like Motley Crue, to the silly and kind of softer variety, like Enuff Z'Nuff, here are my loves, Cinderella with, "Gypsy Road." As you may have noticed, I love songs with the word gypsy in them for some reason. Hanoi Rocks, Cinderella, Dio's, "Gypsy," all good by me.

Cinderella, "Gypsy Road."


A current band that's another favorite of mine are Hardcore Superstar. They're of the Scandinavian sleaze variety that I adore so much and I even got to interview the drummer, via email, for one of the sites I worked for. The link to the interview is here (because I'm stupidly proud of what I managed to do via writing and no contact other than editors and publicity people and no chance to write an introduction or commentary whatsoever) and this is the first song by theirs that caught my attention.

Hardcore Superstar, "We Don't Celebrate Sundays."


Number six, the augmented number of the beast, is of course, AC/DC. You show me a genuine metal or rock fan who doesn't like AC/DC and I'll show you a swift kick to the groin. They are without comparison and though I'm a Bon Scott fan all the way, Brian Johnson brings me immeasurable joy with his unmistakable screech. My boyfriend and I suffered through a rush hour, Chinatown bus-ride from Boston to New York to see them. We didn't sleep that night as we had to catch the train back home because I had class at 9 am the next morning but it was so worth it. I love AC/DC, Amtrak, however, not so much.

AC/DC, "Touch Too Much," my favorite off my favorite record, Highway to Hell.


I could literally think of a hundred more songs and bands but I'll just end with a certain man. A certain man my friends and I couldn't believe was for real in high school and who, once I paid attention to, I decided was one of the happiest, most adrenaline-pumping, awe and every other emotion/action- inspiring, individuals on the whole planet. Everyone I know, especially my boyfriend and boy friends, see him as a hero and why not? He just loves music and wants to party. And thinks I'm beautiful.

Andrew WK, "She Is Beautiful."

Shut up Belinda Carlisle, heaven isn't a place on earth.

Let's see where were we? Crisis of faith, that's it. Yes, riddle me this universe; if everything has a reason, why, oh why, would it strike you as "the right thing to do" to take an 18 year old boy who hasn't even started living yet? What possible explanation could there be to dish out this kind of pain for his friends, for his close ones, for those who knew him peripherally, and for his parents. His parents, I ask you. What, if I may be so blunt, is your fucking problem?

I have my issues with death. That's putting it mildly. It freaks me the hell out would be closer to the truth. But still just barely grazing the surface. When it happens for no reason, to a kid for God's sake, well, I can't help but understand those who turn that previous exclamation around and forsake God. I don't know why this affected me so much. But sometimes these events do. When I was in high school a friend's older sister died. This past week one of my sister's closest friends, a boy who I remember being 14 and giggling over Chinese food in our dining room, passed away in his home. I cling firmly to the belief that everything happens for a reason because I think my world would crumble if I didn't but this happened and what was faith supported on an already shaky foundation took a pretty brutal beating. Let's just say that particular metaphysical structure is no longer standing.

I have never seen my sister cry like that. That alone started ripping up my insides but the amount of pain and loss that filtered through various sources in the face of this event basically broke me down too. Which is what kind of set off this entry. I don't sleep enough or at all anyway and that night, I stayed up all night. What made it worse was my mom and I, along with another lady- my mom's friend, were off to Brussels at 8 am the next morning so I had to be up at 6. I finally just gave up on everything and watched the glow-in-the-dark hands of my watch creep until the moment when my mom softly knocked on my door.

Then we went to Brussels.

Random? Yeah, I know. However, we had our reasons. Mercan Dede, the musician and artist I've previously discussed (here) had a concert there and since my mommy is his bestest buddy, he invited us to come attend. Here's the brief description of what it was from the website:

To celebrate two of the European Capitals of Culture 2010, Essen/Ruhr and Istanbul, the Goethe-Institut is pleased to present a unique gala concert, performed by the Mercan Dede Ensemble and featuring three very special guests.
For “Sounds of Love”, Mercan Dede brings his eclectic ensemble together with three artists from the fields of literature, music and dance, creating a blend of different disciplines, traditions and artistic styles. The best-selling author Elif Shafak will read excerpts from her recent novel, “Love”, while the young musician Karsu Dönmez and the dancer Kadir “Amigo” Memis will add their unique touches to this magical event.

It sounded like such a wonderful opportunity to see him and to hear his music and not to mention, my mom's friend is probably Elif Safak's biggest fan. I'm not kidding. She's read everything by her, attended Q & A's, gifts the books to everyone, and she's basically her muse. Elif Safak is the author I've also previously written about; she wrote the tale of Rumi and Sufism and sort of inspired me to learn more about Sufis.

After a sleepless night, we were at the airport and in the midst of my mental crisis of faith, my mom and her friend giggled and laughed and whispered and talked and exclaimed all the way there. I swear, they were like a couple of teenagers. Teenagers high on that gas they give you at the dentist. When we got there they couldn't stop laughing at everything and anything. They shrieked and guffawed and had so much fun after a while I think my brain just couldn't fight them anymore and just kind of bemusedly took them in(at this point it was putting up a mighty battle with everything else swirling in there too). But I mean it, they laughed. At. Everything. The hotel name (Amigo. Really, the Amigo Hotel in Brussels, okay that's pretty ridiculous), the fact that a huge, blacked out van came to pick us up at the airport, the giant wooden fruits in our bedrooms as art, and figurines of Tin Tin and his dog Minou trapped in glass cases in our bathrooms. Did you know Brussels was the land of Tin Tin? I did not. I hate Tin Tin. I hate his stupid yappy dog, I hate the twin professors, and I hate that I can't remember any of his cases and story lines because I was so wrapped up in hating French and hating learning French I blocked them all. They might have been interesting, I remember he went to Egypt but nooo, he had to be annoying and French, sorry Belgian, and whiny and I had to hate him. We found the Tin Tin Emporium. It was filled with Tin Tin. My mom and her friend also dislike Tin Tin. And he was EVERYWHERE.

Needles to say, we did not buy anything there. I did however get me some delicious steak and pommes frittes and about a suitcase full of chocolate. Hey, it has endorphins, it was for a good cause; to make me feel happier.

Since we were in Belgium, I insisted they take to get beer. Before the concert, we ended up at a weird little cafe restaurant that I found, and finally, after an entire day of me stubbornly demanding beer, we sat down and enjoyed some. They giggled and laughed all through it. First when my mom's friend ordered the same beer as the table next ours and the bewildered waiter told her it wasn't beer at all. Then, when we got our beers (she finally decided to take whatever the table on our other side was having and I randomly picked one from the menu) hers was so thick and dark and heavy it was like Guinness with bread soaked in it and mine was this weird, honey-ale. My mom had coffee and everyone, including the waiters, watched us snort and giggle over beers and take pictures. As we left, I think the waiter was shaking his head and muttering to himself.

And then came the concert. So my whole big thing on this trip was that I wanted an answer. A sign, a clue, anything to help put my mind at ease and calm the roaring in my brain and behind my eyes. It was beautiful. The music with the backdrop of Istanbul and the small segments with guest artists; a modern dance/breakdancer and a girl singing and playing the piano, as well as dervishes that took some creative liberties with their spinning. The first set of dervishes included a man and a woman and the girl's hair was long and uncovered so it spun with her and she had two layers of skirts which undulated up and down and in the dark, the man's gowns glowed and it was the most peaceful, hypnotizing thing ever. I love watching dervishes, they make me feel calm and I could've watched just them for hours. Their movements were so smooth and fluid that you wouldn't get dizzy no matter how focused you were on them.

Then came Elif Safak's reading. I felt my mom's friend breathe deeply next to me. All the stuff going on stage was pretty heavy and it tested the emotions because since there were no words, they had to use movement and images to express the main point of the concert; love. Ms. Safak read two parts from her book. One was about finding love and the second was about losing it. The first part already twisted something in me because part of the reading was the story of Leyla and Mecnun. It's a love story about the deep connection between these two people (brief digression: also why Eric Clapton chose that particular name when writing "Layla" for Patty Boyd) and the fact she kept saying my name in conjunction to this happy, content woman who was filled with love was kind of jarring. I can't remember the second section word for word and I don't want to go hunt for the book right now but the simple message of that particular part was this; though you may lose love and it might hurt more than you would believe, it doesn't end, it doesn't go away. When someone leaves us, dies, that same someone in another name and another body in another place is born because the soul is forever. After she finished the dervishes came out again, this time there were four and they did the traditional whirling, one arm raised up to take from above and one reaching down to symbolize giving below. In the midst of this, a little boy came out. His jacket had his name, my youngest cousin's name, printed on it, and he joined in the spinning, as the middle, the center to the four grown ups. He turned and turned, keeping his balance and making sure his feet were doing it correctly; one anchoring him down as the other guided his movements. He bookended the readings, he was new life. He made me cry.

After this we were pretty drained and deservedly imbibed in some wine at the reception. After the general free-loaders left, we got to stand around and chat with Mercan and the pianist who was the sweetest 19 year old girl. Pushy stage mom though, gah. When he brought over Elif Safak my mom's friend almost fainted. She turned from this confident, sensible woman into a meek little girl in front of her hero. She got to talk to her and so did I, and apparently Mercan had told Elif about how her book inspired me to maybe study Sufism and how my job is the same as her main characters'. It was a such a good, pure connection of people and we even gave them a ride back to their hotel, the NH Atlanta, which my hilarious mother decided sounded like a space shuttle. It kind of does. At least the huge black van came in handy. We all felt pretty giddy by the end of the night and it wasn't even all the wine. Heads racing we slept for maybe 4 hours, if that, before heading back home to Istanbul.

I guess I got my sign. First from that last part of the concert. Secondly, on the plane back I was reading a book called, "Holy Cow," by Sarah MacDonald. She's an Australian journalist living in India because of her husband's job, and feeling a little lost, she decides to explore the country and its beliefs. She covers them all from Hinduism to Buddhism and even Judaism and Christianity in India. Now I thought this was just going to be a silly, fun book about a foreigner in India surviving. I quickly realized that wasn't it and nearing the end, she winds up in Pakistan with Sufis. In one sentence she described Sufism as the Kabbalah of Islam. It's a lot of mysticism and it celebrates God through the belief that love is what drives us all, as expressed by poetry and music and dance. Though, traditional Muslims shun and even forbid it. This is what drew me to Sufism. It's the worship of life through love. My religion, Islam, is not in very good standing with the world and it gets tiring trying to defend something when there's so much evidence to damn it. Who freakin' bans a section of your own religion, come on. Let's open the eyes a little, remove the blinders... It's especially hard because I have a boyfriend that spent a year in Iraq and got to witness the abhorrent actions of people who claim they're propelled by God and religion. He even turned a skeptical eye to my newfound interest in Sufism because he said he met some not so nice ones. It's hard to connect these beliefs with actual actions and people who sincerely think they're doing what their God expects of them. I kind of empathized with the author because she had nowhere left to turn because with every faith comes all the hypocrisy and I kind of feel like that too, especially with recent events. I grew up in Turkey in a Muslim family and in a country that used to pride itself on upholding the Muslim beliefs of welcoming and hospitality. But even that's getting warped and the world doesn't see us as an example, it sees, well, to put it lightly the villains in Arnold Schwarzenegger's True Lies. Though I do love that movie, "psychotic terrorist," is generally not what I like to associate myself, let alone my belief system, with.

Maybe this is my sign? I like getting notes from the universe and the fact that some are provided give me faith I guess. It could be coincidence but so what? I can choose what I want to read into. Even if it's literally a book I'm reading. Or music I'm listening to.

Every summer I find a new band and record to obsessively listen to and fall in love with. It just works out that it happens every summer. Last night, I stumbled across this year's winners while I was out browsing in cyber space. I love Scandinavian sleaze rock. Hardcore Superstar, Backyard Babies, Hellacopters, all those punk/metal/glam bands from northern Europe who know how to write a catchy riff. It's probably my favorite genre and I was looking for more when I found Crazy Lixx and Wig Wam and maybe Crashdiet (who my boyfriend had recommended a couple weeks ago but I just got around to checking out). The songs made my heart stop. They were pure, musical love. I loved every silly lyric and inane chorus, I enjoyed their terrible band names and cliched double entendre song titles, and I spent all night listening to them over and over again instead of fretting about being awake. This is what makes me happy.

One of the albums' name is New Religion. I think that's a sign right there. Not a subtle one either.

Haha, I guess music is my religion. Which makes sense given what best illustrates the celebration of Sufism.

Today, i took my grandmother to get her radiation treatments. The usual group of people were there and by now we all know each other by sight. Except a new lady. She's a little elderly and a little nervous but she hides it behind friendliness. She asks everyone why they're there and blesses them and even tries to talk to the Libyan women who don't speak Turkish and don't want to have anything to do with anyone. But this lady never lets up. She and a regular get in to a whole big conversation about how good energy is what everyone needs. They agree that you can't let all this stuff get you down, keep your chin up, your energy positive, and God will be good. It's humbling to see these women who have to put up with so much shit sit there and be in perfectly happy moods praising Allah for their good fortune. I do believe in the power of energy but sometimes it seems too good to be true. If you wish it, it will happen. I guess I need to trust the universe a bit more before I can give in so completely. I like in Turkish how we have the words gecmis olsun for any malady or event. It means let it pass but more eloquent. When my grandmother came back out, I wish it to both women as we leave and add a silent plea to my God and to my universe to take care of them and my anneanne (grandma) too.

We drove on the same road back we've taken probably over 20 times now. But today's the first time I noticed a particular sign at the side of the road. No joke, it said Mevlanakapi; Mevlana gate/door/passage.
My mommy and Mercan.

Canan abla and Elif Safak('s profile).

Hyperventilating fan girl not seeking resuscitation.

Oh. Dear. Sweet. God. Or whatever I place my faith in (we're kind of up in the air about that presently).

You see these bands?


Ignoring they're idiotic names (Crazy Lixx and Wig Wam respectively) I've found my summer soundtracks. God bless Scandinavia and their sleaze/glam bands. I honestly wouldn't know what to with myself without them. Well, I probably would do my work but let's see, awesome catchy rock-out music or boring 288 page book I have no interest in? Oh gee, 'tis a conundrum. I will pay for this dearly tomorrow but for now, I blast music and bounce around my room and try not to wake my sister and mom.

Tied to the bells, such a sweet, sweet addiction when she's under that spell

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