I Go Crazy, Oh So Crazy

I think the universe is trying to communicate with me through my iPod. It's always set on shuffle and the songs that come up really are trying to tell me something, Let's examine the evidence. Yesterday, after my foul mood had somewhat subsided I decided to go to the gym around 8:30 at night. On the way, I listened to my music and the first song to come up was, "Jump" by Madonna, the live version. I love that song and it always cheers me up and gets my adrenaline flowing. Next up was, "She's Got Balls," by AC/DC. Okay, I do have metaphorical balls and I am strong and I will get through the stupid days. Hooray me! And then I stepped off the curb and almost got hit by a bus and the song that started playing right afterwards was, "Blackout." Touche, universe, touche. Then I skipped ahead and it was, "The Lonely Shepherd." Well, yes I do feel lonely most of the time and melancholy music is not going to help that so we skip ahead and get Freddie Mercury's, "Living On My Own." I don't have no time for no monkey business indeed. See? No point in living in sad city when awesome town is right around the corner with, "Bang Your Head," by Quiet Riot. When all else fails, turn to metal. But what does, "Paradise City," right after it mean? I should go where the grass is green and the girls are pretty? LOS ANGELES? OH COME ON. Or... universe are you telling me I should be a lesbian? Oh. Apparently not. The next song was Motley Crue, "Chicks = Trouble." "What in the World," indeed, you said it Bowie. And then Van Halen's, "Poundcake," which also rang true because yes I would much rather be cooking up a long-lost recipe (and eating it) than be at the gym.

Is it bad that I always compare myself to the bigger ladies there and feel a tiny bit better? I did work out pretty hard though, my shirt was soaked through with sweat and I almost fell off the elliptical when I tried to jump down.

On the way home, I always walk by the same bar and hotel in Copley Square. I have this paranoia that the same people are always in there and they always see me trudging home, almost limping, sweaty, tired, and with my bangs scraped back in a weird, flat half-pompadour on my head. I kind of want to go in there, all put together, just to be like, "I don't ALWAYS look like that person, come on you just catch me at the wrong hour of evening."

This are the things I think about on the way home. They have nice doormen though. It was really windy and humid last night and as I walked by the one duty just said, "One more hour, hold out one more hour!' I laughed along with him but unfortunately it started raining maybe 2 seconds after he said that. He wished me a good rest of my night and I did the same for him. See? We're not all mean bastards in Boston.

I always fall for beauty and bath advertisements. I don't think there's a mascara out there I haven't tried. I have decent lashes except they're really light at the ends which pisses me off because of course, every other hair on my Middle Eastern body is darker than Rasputin's asshole but the hair that should be isn't. I still haven't found the perfect mascara and I'm not sure it exists. It's all a scam. I do use a Sephora's blue mascara though and it looks quite good on me and I'll thank you for not calling me a clown. It's a dark indigo blue. Anyway, I also fall for all shampoo and hair and body schemes too. I got a cherry blossom and ginseng shampoo that's supposed to be, "rejuvenating." I don't know what it rejuvenated but my hair smells like candy. I also got Dove's body wash in pomegranate and lemon verbena scent. It felt like I had washed with regular soap after I sued it, rather than the moisturizing extravaganza it was supposed to be. I was all stiff and squeaky. And my hair was stiff too. I mean, I guess stiffness is all right if you're a boy about to score but not on my hair and body. Ew, not like that on my hair and body either. My hair was especially troublesome as I've stopped brushing it when it's wet as that apparently breaks the hair and you're not supposed to brush curly hair anyway, just use fingers.

Ow, ow, OW SON OF A BITCH WHERE'S MY BRUSH? Screw what "they" say. I'll brush my goddamn hair. It looks weird when I don't and my part looks all crooked. Besides, I use enough products for curly hair they should do their job. We're apparently not supposed to shampoo our hair either but gee, having a knot of greasy dreadlocks just never appealed to me for some reason.

I have probably tried every product for curly hair too. I never really see a difference but I have mousses, creams, sprays, no gels because they're gross, spritzy stuff and even weird gummy wax stuff. I don't use it all at once, good God no. At max three. And a diffuser.

Sometimes I wish I had Jane Birkin hair.





But then I'd look like every other scene hipster girl and I think my hair kind of makes me stand out, as dumb as that sounds. I'm sorry but if I'm going to make the effort to look nice and tame my hair into good curls, and pass muster even by the disapproving standards I set myself, dammit I want to stand out. Lady friends, where are you? Validate me as I don't think any guys read this or any of my guy friends though I do bully them over Facebook to. Besides, I really doubt they'd get all mushy about how their non-single friend girl looks good. Though when I first got my bangs I did keep straightening my hair for a while and a couple guy friends did notice and make delightful comments. One has since become an L.A. zombie though and probably would never notice anything different about me now even if I got huge implants and smacked him in the face with them. Well maybe he'd notice that. They are one of the more noticeable assets his current girlfriend has. I'm such a bitch, man.

But. But, but, but he's the one who has forgotten all about us, his friends. I don't get when guys act like that after they get girlfriends. Okay, girls have their faults too, we usually ditch all our friends just to spend time with the boy and I'm guilty of this too back when I first started dating my boy and I do regret stuff like missing out on some things my roommates and then best friends did or had going on. But they probably don't hold it against me and if they do I'm so sorry, I was young and dumb and please tell me what I can do to make it up to you. Boys on the other hand, just seem to lose their souls. I will keep mum on names and I will always be pleasant to their lady companions but this is more to cover my ass than to be tactful. Hey, I'm nice and polite to everyone, even if I don't approve. I'm like my cat, Egg. Lovable and furry and I don't bite unless you don't quit poking me. But I don't think I'm like that. You know what I mean by that. That kind of girlfriend. The kind that throws a shit fit at the drop of a hat? I think i'm pretty mellow. Mellow like my sleepy time tea. It supposedly relaxes you and helps you sleep. Personally, I like the blackout effect of Tylenol PM when I can't sleep. Nyquil is good too but only when I'm sick or else we get in to raised eyebrow territory and no I don't chug cold medicine. Aleve PM is all right too but gives me jerky, fitful sleeping and weird nightmares. Last time, I dreamt I had a Tasmanian Devil tattoo, the Looney Tunes character, and I went to a tattoo shop and asked them to please cover it up and gave suggestions. They flat out said no, it couldn't be done which is when I realized in the dream that it was a dream because what the hell? You're an artist, rise up to the challenge!

Let's look at Megan Fox for a while. I just bought Elle Magazine because she's on the cover. She's so pretty. I enjoy looking at her.




Sometimes she says really dumb things though and I remember the days I really loathed her. Now, she just seems like such a pretty decoration. But like decorations she really shouldn't speak. Only annoying decorations speak. Like that Big-Mouth Billy Bass. Ugh. I will take him to the goddamn river and drown him. Except he's a fish so he wouldn't drown. Fine, I'll take him to the river, tease him by not dropping him in the water, and drown him ashore.

I really don't know how I got from mystical iPods to Billy Bass. I'm gonna eat some Cheez-Its and get back to writing. Don't worry mom they're reduced fat. And it's cheese crackers, how bad can they be? Cheese is protein. right? Oh no that's peanuts. Bang yooooour heeeeaaad.

Rockin' Rollin' (Wo)Man

I'M A ROCKER
I'M A ROLLER
I'M A RIGHT OUT OF CONTROLLER
I'M A WHEELER
I'M A DEALER
I'M A WICKED WOMAN STEALER
I'M A BRUISER
I'M A CRUISER
I'M A ROCKIN' ROLLIN' MAN
GOT SLICKED BACK HAIR
SKINTIGHT JEANS
CADILLAC CAR
AND A TEENAGE DREAM
I'M A ROCKER



WATCH THIS. THEN GO READ MY ACCEPT SHOW REVIEW UP AT METALSUCKS

Shake a Leg

I can only resist for so long. I didn't buy the AC/DC special edition Converse sneakers for a reason. I already had two pairs of Iron Maiden Vans (Piece of Mind and Powerslave and I still secretly want a Trooper pair but so far, no luck), any more music-related footwear and we're stepping into complete loser and kind-of-a-poseur territory. Really, can you be more of a sell-out? Branding is so not metal.

So I said no to the Back in Black high-tops (plus, I don't wear high-tops) as well as the amazing red Lock Up Your Daughters print with Angus's insane mug stamped on them. I mean, okay, I got the normal, black sneakers but that's because I live in sneakers. No matter how much I love and follow all the lady fashion-with-a-metal-edge bloggers that prance around on platforms daily, I'm more of a sea-level kind of dresser. And I needed new sneakers and since the only "sneakers" I wear are Chucks, I got them. You can barely see the Back in Black print on them anyway, so it didn't really count. And I'm a fan! We support our bands.

But then I saw these.

They are leather. They are AC/DC. THEY ARE LEATHER.

Summer and commercialism be damned, I got me some leather high-tops.


...Crap I just found a Lock Up Your Daughters pair on sale in my size.

Watch That Video (Sleeze Beez, anyone? Anyone?)

Youtube is still a no-no here in Turkey even with all the computer-whiz stuff my sister's boyfriend attempted on my little laptop, but I remembered www.dailymotion.com (our answer to fighting the lack of online video watching) today! So, to combat boredom during my nightly battle to woo sleep, I looked up and enjoyed all my old favorite videos.

The classic that started it all, Iron Maiden's "Can I Play With Madness"


There was a time when I was obsessed with Aerosmith, I loved them. My email address that I still use is actually an old song of theirs (gypsy__boots@hotmail.com) but when I discovered Hanoi Rock and realized my favorite song of theirs also had the same title, I switched allegiance. I did a summer program at Boston University (waaay before I went there for grad school) where the program director was actually a good friend of Steven Tyler's, as well as a producer on Nine Lives. He showed us all this old footage and told stories about the band (instead of teaching us producing but really, how do you teach that?) and when he found out they were my favorite, he promised me some old junk of their that he got stuck with. He never followed through but for a while there, I was in heaven. I think Aerosmith is still the standard by which I judge music videos (Guns 'n' Roses and Meat Loaf round out the video kings trifecta). Theirs were honestly just mini-films and were so fun to watch, not to mention enjoy the music with. When I think of MTV, especially now that they don't play videos, I always think of the Alicia Silverstone trilogy; "Crazy," "Cryin'," and, "Amazing."

This is however my favorite song of theirs, "Walk on Water." This video is actually taken right off that program, Friday Rocks, on Vh1 that I've mentioned before. Oh those were the days. Staying up all night just to catch maybe one, two if you were lucky, videos you really wanted and it would still be so worth it.


Speaking of switching allegiance, I can't not mention Hanoi Rocks. They were the first bluesy metal/dirty sax rock'n'roll (yes I meant sax, as in saxophone) band I'd ever heard, even before Guns 'n' Roses. Okay, I grew up in '90s Europe, obviously I'd heard Guns'n'Roses before but I never actually listened to Appetite for Destruction all the way through until I was in college. Some people might say blasphemy. I say a big, resounding meh. As it stands, I'm still not a Guns girl and probably never will be. But the similarity between Slash and my messy, curly hair will always guarantee me a fail-safe, last-minute costume on any given Halloween. Anyway, I heard "Gypsy Boots," and my jaw literally dropped. I think it was the first time I got a crush on a song. They got back together not too long ago and recorded one of their best albums and then announced they were breaking up for good last year. I was mighty pissed. Their farewell tours were in Sweden/Finland and Japan. The Japan dates coincided with my spring break from school so, with my boyfriend, we headed off to Japan. Yep, and that's why I can say I followed a band to Japan. Sure, I wanted to see the country and so did my boyfriend. I'd never been and he's a Japan dork (not the crazy, makes-you-cringe-in-secondhand-embarrassment kind) so it worked out. You know what worked out even better? Meeting Michael Monroe randomly in the middle of the Harajuku district.

This was the second Hanoi Rocks song I ever listened to that basically sealed them as my new favorite band. And yes, Michael Monroe is just as terrifying and wonderful in real life as he is in the video.

Hanoi Rocks, "People Like Me."


This was the time when I really got into reading the metal site, Metal Sludge. I kept reading about all these bands that I didn't know (along with the ones I did), so I went on the hugest downloading and music hunting spree that summer. I don't support downloading music illegally and I always spend the money now or buy used but eh, silly little high school girl with no access to music in Istanbul meets Limewire? Come on now. Anyway, this is basically how I met all my '80s L.A. metal but just as a representative of all of them; from the badass end of the spectrum, like Motley Crue, to the silly and kind of softer variety, like Enuff Z'Nuff, here are my loves, Cinderella with, "Gypsy Road." As you may have noticed, I love songs with the word gypsy in them for some reason. Hanoi Rocks, Cinderella, Dio's, "Gypsy," all good by me.

Cinderella, "Gypsy Road."


A current band that's another favorite of mine are Hardcore Superstar. They're of the Scandinavian sleaze variety that I adore so much and I even got to interview the drummer, via email, for one of the sites I worked for. The link to the interview is here (because I'm stupidly proud of what I managed to do via writing and no contact other than editors and publicity people and no chance to write an introduction or commentary whatsoever) and this is the first song by theirs that caught my attention.

Hardcore Superstar, "We Don't Celebrate Sundays."


Number six, the augmented number of the beast, is of course, AC/DC. You show me a genuine metal or rock fan who doesn't like AC/DC and I'll show you a swift kick to the groin. They are without comparison and though I'm a Bon Scott fan all the way, Brian Johnson brings me immeasurable joy with his unmistakable screech. My boyfriend and I suffered through a rush hour, Chinatown bus-ride from Boston to New York to see them. We didn't sleep that night as we had to catch the train back home because I had class at 9 am the next morning but it was so worth it. I love AC/DC, Amtrak, however, not so much.

AC/DC, "Touch Too Much," my favorite off my favorite record, Highway to Hell.


I could literally think of a hundred more songs and bands but I'll just end with a certain man. A certain man my friends and I couldn't believe was for real in high school and who, once I paid attention to, I decided was one of the happiest, most adrenaline-pumping, awe and every other emotion/action- inspiring, individuals on the whole planet. Everyone I know, especially my boyfriend and boy friends, see him as a hero and why not? He just loves music and wants to party. And thinks I'm beautiful.

Andrew WK, "She Is Beautiful."